No Longer Silent

"I am still married to one of the worst habitual abusers I have ever met... forced me to stalk his ex's... has 16 kids (by so many different women)... just glad he beat number 15 out of me... worst thought I've ever had to be grateful for... worst struggle as a hopeful woman... I just saw what he does to the rest... he made me help him stalk the baby moms with orders that he couldn't... and lost my kids from before him, because of him... and lost my family and still have not got back all of my friends that I had my whole life... scared to divorce because I don't want to stir the pot and deal with him again... it is sad how ugly and filthy people's souls can be." - A.M.

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"The police in my town did not do anything about it. So, I understand completely. My cousin got away with it." K.A.

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"DV survivor here! The system failed me and my baby so badly! I can't tell you how badly I have been treated by a family therapist and health care providers. Thank you so much for speaking up. The police let him go multiple times, and he kept being bonded out to violate and go back and bond out again." C.C.

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"I have gotten two degrees since leaving my abuser. My ex told our oldest son that he regrets getting in my way now. Now he can deal with their resentment for what he put us through. They never saw the physical abuse, just the emotional, and that was still more than they should have experienced." J.L.

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"Can we even answer it [why victims don't leave] ourselves? I never thought I would allow myself to be in that scenario until I was so deep in it." K.M.

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"By the time they start hitting you, they have already taken control of your life. I woke up realizing one day that I could not leave. He had slowly taken everything. I did not have a phone, a car, money, friends... he had complete control. My own family was estranged. By that time you feel like (true or not) you have no one and nowhere to go, and you are scared to death. It is not just that simple to leave." K.B.

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"On March 19th-20th of 2021, I was almost murdered by a man named [redacted]. He was charged with two counts of aggravated assault with the intent to rob, rape, and murder, aggravated stalking, false imprisonment, terrorist threats/acts, and criminal damage in the second degree. After his indictment, he also had cruelty to the children in the third degree, criminal trespassing (two counts), and battery. Somehow this man only got 3 years in prison, 15 years on probation, and he has not even been in a year yet and he is already approved for parole... the police and the victims' advocates are freaking jokes in Georgia..." S.C.

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"They (abusers) will always hate you for your success. Mine cannot stand that I am doing okay without him, and making money for content after he claimed to everyone that I was crazy. I was trapped as a stay-at-home mom, and the only way that he would be a father was if we were together still - it is the same now that the children are adults. He cannot have more kids so he is now wanting to adopt his current girlfriend's kid." L.M.

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"It's not that easy to just leave, because if you have never experienced domestic violence, you have no idea. It is rarely as easy as just leaving. Your fear for your safety, and your life is a huge motivator to keep you right where you are. Not to mention, the most dangerous time for a victim is when they are leaving. That last moment/meeting could mean your very life." R.W.

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"State Troopers do commit crimes... my mother's second husband had been a State Trooper and he molested me for years. I filed charges when I was a teenager, and we went to court. He was guilty, and sentenced to 10 years in prison... so, yes, Troopers are capable of committing crimes. I am sorry you went through that." M.A.

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"I finally called the cops after [sexual assault] happened to me over, and over. He almost killed me with my kids asleep on the other side of the house. CPS came the next day trying to take my children because I was beaten with them present, and I had not called the cops before." S.A.

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"I stayed quiet due to fear of repercussions from them [my abusers] for reporting, and them trying to drag my name through the dirt in my community. They had been around a lot longer than me, but a few years later they were put on blast after ending up in a local paper for raping and beating a woman. They were arrested a state over. I found out a day before his first trial date, and told my story for the first time to someone other than a psychiatrist/therapist) and called up the prosecutor." E.W.

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"I reported everything. Had those individuals he abused and raped before me not reported, I would not have been a victim. Was it hard? Yes, it was. But hopefully, he learned something in those 15 years in prison. Victims need to report for so many reasons. I wish the process was easier so that they would, but we need to stop abusers." R.M.

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"I was a great student in grade school, but I struggled a lot in high school because that was when the trauma really started. I also understood what was happening. My brain was trying to do both (understand what was happening and deal with the trauma). Again, I was a good student once I learned how to survive easier... it sucks." M.H.

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"It took me years to talk about what happened to me. 9 years ago I was held down by four men and raped by each of them. I did not say anything because I was using [drugs] back then, and it took place in the trap house while I went to go score more drugs. So, in my head, I saw it as to why would anyone believe a junkie? I remember being so scared as three men held guns to me, and one had a knife as they all took turns raping me, and beating me. What was maybe an hour seemed like a lifetime, and I swear I felt my soul leave my body. I remember when they were done they threw my package I went to pick up at me and told me if I said anything they would hurt my children/family. I took my package, went to my car, and drove straight home. My body felt like it was on auto-pilot. I remember wanting to cry, and scream, but saying to myself... I'm just a junkie maybe I deserved it. I remember going to my house, getting out of the car, going straight to the bathroom, and using as much as I could at that moment to try and forget and turning the shower on and just climbing into the shower where I sank to the floor, under the water, and just sat there for hours crying. I then put on my happy face and pretended nothing happened and hid this from the world until I met my husband. Trying to be intimate was a struggle, and if he moved too fast I would flinch and tense up. I had a huge wall up, and he knew it. We had started talking one night about my drug use and how I did not want to be like that anymore, but it was the only thing I knew how to do to survive my own thoughts. That was when I finally came out and told him what happened, and he helped me get help for the substance abuse and the trauma. I've been clean since, and want others to not follow my choices. Never doubt yourself, and never don't speak up. I lost so many years running from it alone." K.B.

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"In two weeks my child will become an adult. The father is my abuser. The number of people who wanted me to keep quiet and bury my healing while he and his new wife refused to co-parent and continued to harass me is insane. I think it is uncomfortable for people to acknowledge the traumas that come with physical, mental, and sexual abuse, and it is a sad reality for many. I can, however, say that the mental fortitude and grace I have learned through this process is something he will NEVER be able to rob me of." K.M.

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"We had dated for a couple of weeks, and we went to meet with my son for dinner. We then went back to his place. I was staying the night, and he knew this. I changed my clothes and got comfortable. I can normally drink half a bottle of wine, by myself without any problems. However, this night I drank half a glass of wine and do not remember anything until I woke up the next morning. I remembered opening my eyes and him being on top of me, but I could not do anything. I felt like my body was failing me. He had gotten up before me, and when I did finally get up, I felt awful! I was nauseous and had a headache. I thought I was coming down with the flu. So, I told him I was going to go home instead of going to church with him - ironic, huh? That he was going to church after he knew what he had just done. I went home and went back to bed, and stayed there all day. I did not realize exactly what had happened until three or four days later when I was talking to my girlfriend and realized that it was too late to be tested for a roofy. When I went for my yearly check-up the next week, I got my MD to check me for any and all STDs and HIV! Thank God they were all negative. I do not know why he thought it was okay to do what he did to me." L.P.